I've been reading a lot of bi sites. websites that have lots of info with great people that are more than willing to help, share, talk when a person has trouble, whatever. Those sites have been wonderful.
The one thing I cannot seem to shake is the one thing that I see questions asked about on most bi websites, and that is the question of fluidity. Of course I first thought that I might be the only one, but I have learned after much reading that this type of coming and going is quite common. I see many bi guys that can label themselves quite easily when it comes to their attraction between men/women to be something like 20/80, 30/70, 40/60, 50/50, 60/40, 70/40, 80/20, and more in either direction and in between. Of course I can label myself one of these fractions, one of these fucking numbers, but the damn things change every damn day. It seems like I fluctuate between 40/80 to 80/40 every 5 to 10 weeks. I feel like a bag blowing in the wind right now, wishing I could settle somewhere. Though, as soon as I settle for a second, another gust comes by and picks me up and shuffles me along. It's certainly frustrating. I guess this is life though. It scares me though. A relationship seems like such a task to undertake when I feel like that bag, flowing around in the wind.
I guess I need to just get used to it, the calm wind will probably never come. However, if that is the case, where do I go from here?........
Just remember, you're not alone in figuring this all out. From the sounds of it almost exactly like you, almost 30, repressed any and all feeling and urges about this, religious backroung and finally having come out to myself and a few friends only recently the past couple months, I too have been finding lots of this same info, but really I guess it makes sense, emotions are always fluid, if we could put stops on them then the world would be a horrible place. So yeah, we may fluctuate but at least we are learning! I like your blog so far and hope you post more.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support. I'm glad to see that someone is reading :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that there are many out there just like me, which is one reason for creating this blog. Connecting with others in the same situation is always helpful. And I agree, though emotions can be confusing at times, it would be a much worse world without them.