Sunday, December 19, 2010

Hi, I'm Secular Bi Guy

          Welcome to my new blog. Since this is my first post, I figure that I should say something about myself and my reasons for starting this blog. For the time being you can call me Secular Bi Guy. I'm still closeted to most of the people I know, and that is why I've started this blog, as a way to talk about my bisexuality as well as issues that are of interest to the bi-community in general.
          I'm a couple years under 30 years old. I live in Texas, in an especially conservative area of an already very conservative area of the country. That taken in to account, along with the facts that I am a liberal, atheist, bisexual guy, and one can probably see why I have had a bit of difficulty finding a way to discuss my sexuality.
          I was raised strongly religious and conservative. Being raised that way probably has quite a bit to do with why it took me so long to face my own sexuality. I was raised to believe that homosexuality was an abomination, a horrible sin, and a huge cause of disease and pain in the world. Being raised with those types of ideas I was quite homophobic as a young man growing up, being of the opinion that homosexuality was akin to a disease or a mental disorder. The only difference being that this type of mental disorder made you a bad person. Being raised to think in this way, any feelings that may have emerged from time to time as I was growing up were not only ignored, but denied and suppressed to such an extent that I convinced myself that they did not exist at all. In my opinion, my suppressing of these feelings in such a way was really a type of defense mechanism. I say that because if I had forced myself to face my homosexual desires at that time, it would probably have pushed me into quite a bit of depression and I might have ended up as another statistic, just another teenager who committed suicide because he couldn't handle being something that everyone around him hated. So, for that reason I guess that I should be glad that I had the ability to suppress it to such an extent. At the same time though, I find it very sad that I had to suffocate part of myself for so many years. This suffocation and denial certainly did lead to a lot of confusion, as well as depression in it's own right, especially in more recent years.
          There is immensely more that can be said about all of this, which I'm sure I will go into in future posts. One thing that I would like to say now is that until this year, until I faced and accepted my sexuality, before I came out to myself and a couple other human beings, I was suffocating a part of myself. And now that I have accepted myself for who I am, a bisexual man, I have felt as if a part of my lungs that has been cut off my entire life, never receiving oxygen before now, is finally open and getting the oxygen that it needs for the first time in my life. I mean, I know it is metaphorical, but it literally feels like I am breathing deeper and with a fullness that I have never felt before now. I may still be confused about some things, and there is still plenty of self discovery to go before I will have a more complete understanding of my sexuality and be comfortable enough to be more open about it with those around me. However, this feeling of breathing deeper and embracing all of who I am as an individual has certainly been refreshing. Sometimes a bit scary, but I am constantly discovering that all those fears were unfounded and that being honest with myself is the best thing I could have ever done.
          Sooooooooooo...I hope that some will find this blog interesting enough to follow. A also hope that some will be compelled to share their thoughts and feelings about the topics I will discuss here. If you have any questions that you would like me to address, feel free to leave them in the comments, or even to email them to me and I may make a new blog post to answer them.........

4 comments:

  1. Great start, keep us informed of where your journey takes you!

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  2. Looking forward to reading your posts. I have found the bi-male blog scene to be dead. I started my own, which I have a lot of drafts to finish and post up on, at http://binowbilater.posterous.com/ and I am really happy to see another blog starting.

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  3. @Anonymous
    Thanks for reading. I've bookmarked your blog and will be reading. I feel the same way, which is one of the reasons for my starting this blog, there is an utter lack of representation for bisexual guys in the blogosphere.

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